Heart to Heart ~ Extended Family
Ask Ofidean
By O. Virginia Phillips
Dr. Virginia Phillips
Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. For three weeks this past month, requests came one after the other, “Can you help us locate a home for a woman.” Once again, I knew that the dream of forty plus years continues to manifest today by the continuous requests of desperate women. It began in 1968, when our home was opened to a sixteen year old who needed a family. To the state of California she was a ward of the court. To us she became part of our family of ten. I called it then and I do so today, our Extended Family. Anyone who lives in our home for any length of time becomes a part of our Extended Family. This concept of Extended Family is one that has been practiced for centuries in several cultures, especially in African-American families. However, in the late 60’s and early 70’s with desegregation and assimilation into the dominant culture the practice for African-Americans especially in the North – sharply decreased – although in the South the practice continued. In the 90’s the practice of taking in homeless children and adults into one’s family became less and less a part of the culture. In the Extended Family – informal adoption is the norm. Parents became Mom and Dad. There are uncles and aunts, cousins, sisters and brothers, biologically unrelated but related because they lived together.
Homes are needed to house those in transition.
In 1983, I wrote a proposal called the Extended Family revisited. This was ten years before the vision for Women of Purpose, Int’l became a reality. Homes for young women were located in Washington, Yamhill and Multnomah counties in Oregon. There have been private homes of refuge opened to women, since Women of Purpose started but the practice slowed in 2004. The Sherwood house has been the central home for Extended Family. It also houses some of the Women of Purpose Int’l ministries. It is my desire that it becomes the model and other homes of refuge can be located in other cities around the country. The purpose for this would be to place women in a healthy environment away from the temptations to fail. It has been my experience and those who have helped women to heal from traumatic experiences that a family atmosphere, with support from mentoring support groups, is more successful.
We need people to invest in this ministry to the broken-hearted and abused by (1) opening up individual homes (training is available to the Extended Family host); (2) approach possible funders to purchase a home for this kind of ministry; (3) encourage your employer to support a house of refuge and restoration for women; (4) pray for the Extended Family vision to become a reality all around the country and (5) support the model home in Sherwood.
The ministry is especially needed in times like these when the economy is in decline. This is our opportunity to be blessed. Psalm 41:1-3 is the living Word for those who help the poor.
- “Blessed is he that considers the poor: the Lord will deliver him in time of trouble.
- The Lord will preserve him, and keep him alive; and he shall be blessed upon the earth: and you will not deliver him unto the will of his enemies.
- The Lord will strengthen him upon the bed of languishing: you will make all his bed in his sickness.”
Psalm 50:15 further assures us: “And call upon Me in the day of trouble: I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.”
When we give God ownership of our lives and possessions, our steps are ordered by Him and “Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.” 1 John 4:11
If you have any questions or comments on any topic regarding marriage, family and relationships, fill out the contact form with the link below and I’ll respond to you.
To contact Dr. Phillips, click here.
Violent Behavior Of A Six-Year-Old
Ask Ofidean
By O. Virginia Phillips
Dr. Virginia Phillips
Psalm 36:7 “How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.” (ESV)
Question: I am a divorcee and each time my husband comes over to visit, we get into a verbal battle. Lately, my six-year-old has begun to scream and tear the covers off the bed and scratches on the walls. She has defaced doors and furniture. I told my ex-husband and he said it’s my fault she’s doing these things. Do you think she does these things for attention?– D.N.Answer: When parents divorce, they not only suffer themselves, but their offspring suffer emotionally as well. Since the child, although young, is an intricate part of the union as well as the separation and needs to understand your decision, you and your ex-husband together should have explained to her that your separation had nothing to do with her, that your own mistakes caused your separation. She should have been allowed to ask questions. Even though you could not answer them all, telling her honestly that you don’t have all the answers would have helped to dispel the anxiety she had about her fault in this divorce. Parents commit a serious mistake when they do not respect their children’s place in their relationship. Children have emotions that must be nurtured and respected.
Now to the question: Yes, your six-year-old needs your attention. You do not talk to her, you yell at one another, and nothing has been resolved with her. You and your ex-husband should forget your dislikes for one another and concentrate on healing some of the wounds your six-year-old has endured. Have you ever taken the time to comfort her and ask her, “Do you know why you are being destructive?” You have planted a seed of destruction in this child by your own actions, yours and her father’s. It can be uprooted by positive communication, quality time spent with her, and allowing her to share how she feels about your divorce. She needs security and quiet loving hugs and attention. Her actions firmly denote frustration and emotional trauma.
Children need security, quiet loving hugs and attention.
Beginning with the next BLOG post, I’m beginning a series called, “Heart to Heart.” It will be bringing the message of the heart of God. I hope you will join me in this series.
If you have any questions or comments on any topic regarding marriage, family and relationships, fill out the contact form with the link below and I’ll respond to you.
To contact Dr. Phillips, click here.
